 The following is an entry of the same title that my late "brother" Jay Tan posted in The J-Bar's Den of Iniquity on 27 February 2006 10:19AM.The past week, amidst all the talk of coup attempts and a reprising of EDSA, one of our own was busy with a problem that struck closer to home. Tini's mom was admitted to the ICU of the Medical City after suffering from pneumonia and a mild stroke. She's been there for over a week now.And during this time, there has been an overwhelming outpouring of support and prayers for Tini and his family. I guess that this really defines the character of our class. I mean, Tini has always been the unfortunate victim of many a rib or two from many of us (I admit that I'm one of the usual suspects) but in this time of trouble, we were all there. Some of us have called or texted. Some have gone to visit. Many have prayed. It just goes to show that when push comes to shove, we've got each others' backs. I love that.Anyway, let me end this with a message Tini sent me via text last night:"Thank you my brother & to all my other 4J brothers for the concern you have shown during these trying times & for all the prayers. My mom knows that all of you are praying for her speedy recovery. Please let the other 4J boys know that their concern is well-appreciated. Thank you very much my brothers!"I suddenly realized that in exactly just two days less than two years after Jay wrote this entry, he would no longer be with us in person. I still remember that very afternoon when Jay visited my Mom at the ICU -- coming straight from his Makati advertising office without sleep for more than 24 hours wearing only a yellowish shirt, a pair of beige-colored shorts, and slippers -- and prayed the rosary with Conci, Manang Turing, and I as we surrounded my Mom in her ICU bed. My Mom was eventually called back by our Creator five days after Jay's entry was posted. For this year, my Mom's second anniversary to her new life happens to fall on my "brother" Jay's ninth day (more commonly known in the vernacular as "pasiyam"). My Mom knew Jay. She was fond of Jay because of his size and his positive outlook in life.The last time I was able to talk to Jay was when my wife Conci and I visited him last Saturday (23 February 2008) evening at the NKTI. That final conversation that we had was apparently filled with "dead air" as Jay seemed to want to retire for the night after another full day of spending time in the hospital and I kept on catching my breath as it was the first time I went out of the house after recovering from influenza the week before. I remember discussing with Jay about Guthrie-Jensen Consultants that night. I told him that I was going to have a demo presentation for Guthrie-Jensen on Tuesday (26 February 2008) at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. Just like a brother asking advice from a brother, I wanted to get his thoughts on how Guthrie-Jensen was as an organization to work for. Jay nodded his head indicating that it would be a good move getting into that organization. Sadly, Jay was not physically alive anymore to hear the good news that I have been offered a position at Guthrie-Jensen Consultants after my presentation and panel interview last Tuesday night.I had the opportunity to get even closer to Jay's family when I started to work on my masteral thesis about their SPED school. I literally became Jay's housemate and roommate at a time when Pinoy Big Brother was gaining popularity among the masses. He would jokingly call me "kuya" and tell me to sleep in the other vacant room instead of staying with him in his room (which had two beds anyway). To that extent, Jay became my brother in the first instance as we were both members of the intact 4J93 Brotherhood and, in the second instance, during my housemate days with him. Our brotherhood was sealed when I asked him to be my Best Man at my wedding and he became my "kinakapatid" when his Dad, Tito John, accepted to become one of my Ninongs at my wedding.When I called up Jay's sibling Karl last Monday at 2:26PM, Karl was already crying and telling me that Jay has just passed away. Karl, however, texted me at 1:55PM saying that: "Guys, dadalhin si Jay sa ICU. He doesn't look good. May machine to help him breathe, but he is conscious. Please pray for him." Minutes later I got 2 missed calls from Karl -- one at 2:20PM and the other one at 2:24PM. I was having lunch at home at that time. Unfortunately, I left both of my cellphones in my room when Karl was trying to get in touch with me. After connecting with Karl over the phone and then informing some of the 4J Boys (TC, Arnold, Ching, & R-jay) of the sad news, I hurried to NKTI only to arrive at his hospital room seeing Jay lifeless on his hospital bed and covered in post-mortem wrappings. He is only the second person whom I have seen in such wrappings, the first person being my own Mother two years earlier at the Medical City. I could not help but cry, having lost a brother as well. Jay knows that I am a believer in the power of the Padrino system when it came to asking permission or making requests. He has been one of my padrinos in that sense which is why, as I saw him on his death bed, all I can say was: "Pare, send my regards to my Mom and please pray for us." And so to you my brother, THANK YOU for everything! Rest assured that the 4J93 Brotherhood will treat your surviving sibling Karl as one of our brothers.  | hey tins, first, thanks to jay,we became close and confidantes when you stayed in their house.
we've both lost our parents, we had the chance to exchange experiences and views on this.
sharing the pain of losing jay with you/4j made it easier for john, evelyn and karl to move on. because of this out pouring of love for jay, we only wanted the 4j and immediate family to be present on the 9th day.
its so hard to endure seeing jay's parent's loss. you guys gives them/us soothing presence.
thanks.
see you on the 40th day...jay's bday? halloween? |
 | The brotherhood remains even in the midst of apparent death. It's such a heart-warming feeling that 4J has, in a way, become part of Jay's "immediate" family already. We shall be there for Jay's 40th day (which happens to fall on a Friday). See you then Teri. We'll always keep in touch. |
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